January 2008
58 posts
Lost And Found: I Have An Abusive Boyfriend, And... →
“AVC: What allowed you to transition from intern to correspondent?
DM: It was a...”
– The Onion’s AV Club interview with Demetri Martin, November 29, 2006, regarding his transition to Daily Show correspondent.
There is definitely a law of diminishing returns applicable to the early rising. As the week goes on, I’m less likely to produce anything that won’t need to be rewritten and more likely to check on the progress of Britney’s 5150 hold.
“Through a discussion with the panel, “Confronting Privilege” will highlight the...”
– A popular event in the Willamette network, from my Facebook newsfeed. If you have any familiarity with the whiter-than-rice, tax-break-receiving, swathed-in-privilege student body of my alma mater, you might also find this amusing. College kids enacting social justice using seminars are cute.
“You’d like them, she’s very dry and wears Converse.”
– Linda
“Never follow a hippie to a second location.”
– Jack Doneghy/Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock.
It fell out of my old journal
“Hurtling toward Tokyo in a Henry Jamesian twighlight. The Portrait of a Lady on an express train. The bottle-nosed Concorde of the rails - but it has yet to ingest a piece of metal debris and then plunge to its fiery demise on the side of the tracks.” Written on stationary from an Osaka hotel, which means it must be from circa Spring 2002. And considering the images of fiery...
Survey Says
me: I'm taking a survey. What was your first impression of me?
Heartbreaker: Before or after words were exchanged?
me: Good question. Both.
Heartbreaker: I guess it went something like this, "Who is this beautiful girl and why is she so shy?" Then I spoke to you and it went like, "She's not shy, she just has a brain and can't deal with stupid people. I want to kiss her."
We met six and a half years ago, and I still can't deal with stupid people. Which is why when I asked another not quite ex-boyfriend the same question, he came back with "Icy, but I wanna see her naked. Little smug too." You win some, you lose some.
It’s not as bad as a thought, the rewrites. It’s a ton of work, and has me taking vacation days (like today) to do it, but it’s not like I’m taking time off to go to the dentist. Obviously, sitting in front of my computer is something I like to do. But spending all this time with my personal computer makes me resesnt my work computer even more. I’d like to set it...
“I don’t have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if...”
– Mitch Hedburg
I'm loving angels instead
I’m watching the re-broadcast of the 2008 Miss America pageant as I make/eat my lunch. This year, in a desperate bid to seem relevant, they have some complicated elimination system where the contestants only get to perform their talent if they pass a head-to-head Survivor tribal council sort of thing. One has to leave the island and the other takes the stage. But as I watch them perform...
It's raining. I'm staying in.
Today's embarassing admission
Upon learning that the sequel to Center Stage is currently in production and will be released this year, I said, “Oh, AWESOME” without the slightest bit of sarcasm.
WatchI don’t know if anyone else finds these things amusing. But I sure do. Here, My Twin role plays as Sebastian from The Little Mermaid. Who is actually a crab, Google has just told me. But My Twin is an “animated lobster” and don’t try to tell her otherwise.
So I’m at a bar. You know how it goes. I’m looking around and I’ve decided that I don’t need to meet anyone. Ever. There’s no reason.
Baby, you're much too fast
Last night, I had a dream that I sat down to fix my manuscript, and most of the work was already done. Then I was backstage at a fashion show where a tiger was pacing between the racks of clothes. He found me and opened his mouth around my head. Instead of eating me, he told me that he knew me from somewhere. Then my alarm clock went off, so I never found out how we knew each other. Driving to...
5 Words You Never Want to Hear
From the director of “Hitch”.
Auntie Em!
On my TV screen: a tornado warning for the coast and the instructions to lie flat in a ditch if I’m not able to find shelter. In the time it has taken me to peck this out, it has stopped raining. See, there’s still comedy during the writers’ strike.
I never get tired of this song, this mix, for some...
TMZ Keeps it Classy
Below the post about Heath Ledger’s death, TMZ has “The Last Photograph of Heath Ledger,” wherein he was in costume on the set of his latest movie, wearing a CLOWN SUIT.
Knocked Down
Someone asked me today whether I had kids. I replied that I did not. But I’m not sure whether they were asking because they think my biological clock will soon be ticking or they wanted to know whether the world is still safe from my spawn.
No one in prarie outfits is allowed over at the...
I watched a couple discs of the first season of Big Love this weekend. At some point, I found myself thinking, “Gee, this isn’t that interesting.” Then I realized that the wardrobe and scenery/sets were so spot-on “Utah” that of course it seemed boring to me, I lived it. Well, not the polygamy compound bit. But the suburban Salt Lake really hits the spot.
In re: Celeste Zesty Four-Cheese Pizza (circa...
me: Certainly not a Whole Foods purchase
I too enjoy foods that describe themselves as "zesty". Though it doesn't seem fair to all those non-zesty foods
I have a "zesty" french dressing in my fridge. Don't know how or why, but it's good
David: if i was marketing a new food product "zesty" is the first thing i would add to the title
David: that and "maximum strength"
me: zesty earl grey tea
David: ooh
i would buy it
me: zesty toast
zesty bagels
David: definitely
me: zesty is starting to look like a made up word
David: you put bagels and zesty bagels next to each other
i'm going zesty every time
me: to be sold with maximum strength prilosec
David: synergy
definitely a packaged deal
me: maybe just open a store of only zesty products. Whole Zest
David: it could be your ticket out of legal slavery
me: I wonder if there is as big a market for zesty products as there is organic and overpriced
I guess overpricing would be mandatory. Zest ain't cheap
David: whole foods would only carry organic zest
i feel 3-4x the normal cost would be acceptable
me: yeah, if you've ever shopped for spices, they can get pricey
and I think that's where zest comes from
when one spice loves another
David: that's the tag line
"when one spice loves another"
zest!
I guess I've been kidding myself
Two vivid dreams on two consecutive nights. Two days of realizing it’s nowhere close to being over.
Cliched Los Angeles Morning
Running the Santa Monica stairs with My Twin. Procurement of smoothies. Drinking juice on a grassy knoll overlooking the beach. The only way that could have been more cliched would be if we stopped at the organic, co-op grocery. But we didn’t, because we don’t make enough money to shop there.
1 tag
WatchThis isn’t My Twin trying to be funny. It’s the extent of her dance abilities.
“i don’t like to capitalize anything because i don’t like to make any...”
– Lady Friend
Fatuma and I just went into business together
http://www.kiva.org/app.php?page=businesses&action=about&id=31775
“Budweiser loses 40 minutes of production time - about 200,000 cans or 160,000...”
– Modern Brewery Age, January 12, 1998 But why does Budweiser (among other companies) produce this variety of their product, when only Utah and Oklahoma’s liquor laws require it? How is this a good business model, especially considering “Utah consumes the least amount of beer of any...
Go Fug Yourself: Well Played -- And Yet Not --... →
I’m following the NY Marathon conspiracy with great interest as well.
Facebook Is Dead: Facebook told to pull Scrabulous →
This is unacceptable.
Selected Results of Googling "Hell is other...
Hell is other people’s music Hell is other people removing your cigarette Hell is other people with no style Hell is other people’s dates Hell is other people’s penises with drugs on them Hell is other people’s memoirs
I never thought I’d be saying this. But I never thought I’d be watching One Tree Hill. Kevin Federline is guest starring. And Kevin Federline looks incredibly attractive. Not just attractive for Kevin Federline. Attractive compared to other human beings. Attractive in a way that might have rewritten all rules of space and time because, let’s face it. He’s Kevin Federline....
Macworld 2008: Apple MacBook Air Looks Absolutely... →
I’m a Mac hater, but even I want one of these bitches.
Crisis? Maybe He’s a Narcissistic Jerk - New York... →
There’s something familiar here…I can’t quite put my finger on it.
Rad Kitten Tee →
The consensus is that it’s too yellow. But no one can argue that it is not “rad”, a word I have tried (and failed) to bring back into the lexicon time and time again.
They're Crumbelievable
I’d like someone to make a documentary (or mockumentary) about the people who sing commercial jingles. Because you know they’re in the studio, singing take after take of “You’ll love David’s Bridal” or “Thousand Oaks Toyota - customer service is our priority”, and I’d love to see the interaction between the producer and the talent. “This...
It’s 75 degrees here, meaning I have the windows open, also meaning that I can hear the couple next door arguing. Love is not in the preternaturally warm January air. Later, those same neighbors caught me singing and dancing for Riley through that open window as they got into their car and I was preparing lunch.
“This is the other problem with blogging/online living - I start seeing...”
– Me, in an email to Linda.